I Should Be Packing

First I must share with you the greatness that is Adult Swim. One reason to it is for the music between shows... Flying Lotus produced my favorite... enjoy.

I'm Moving...

into a new apartment... Crazy right? Today after I go to the mall will be spent packing and what not to move to the other side of the field... I snuck into the building and checked out the girls who live there; they seem to be pretty laid back. I'd had a few glass of wine so besides being too warm to tell what they kept their thermostat on, I didn't really see anything wrong with the room. Tonight we're going to 70s skate night, and I'm going as "Treeflower." Can't wait to see how this goes.

Mmm My Favorite: Sex Edition

The following is my favorite Desperate Housewives quote ever...from my favorite original desperate housewife, Bree...enjoy.

I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. MMMmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.

Rhinoceritis

Well, I have the rhinovirus. I feel I got it from a friend, but it's whatever. All I need is a little Alka Seltzer Plus and balloons... I'll be fine. I hope. I've already began Lysol-ing down the apartment just so my roommates won't get sick. I'm nice like that not really so what can I say? Sigh, here's to a long night.

I Don't Have Followers

I had followers, but now I do not. I recently deleted my old blog to start this new one. Little did I know that even by keeping the same account, I lost my followers. So what do I do? Do I go to each individual blog and say, "Hey, follow me again."

This is difficult since many of them are strangers, I would come off as a creeper. Which also means while I write this, I am writing to myself since my followers aren't reading it...or are they?

Mon Ami

This is my friend... her enthusiasm for photography has inspired me to pick back up my hobby of photography. Looking at canon rebels and some nikons...

iWant

I need this in my life. I am putting money aside just for it. It shall be my gift to myself for 2010, unless of course one of you want to get it for me...first I'll ask random family members for one for graduation, THEN if they say hellno I shall get it myself. Yes, some kids want a trip to Europe or a car... I want the ultimate all in one computer... I get a hella discount at my computer store so I may just get it myself. We'll see.

Mmm My Favorite

This is by far my favorite short film. My friend showed it to me a couple of weeks ago and I finally found it to place here. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Skhizein (Jérémy Clapin,2008) from Bertie on Vimeo.

I Can Tell That We Are Gonna Be Friends

So I'm thinking about moving into my own apartment during the summer. After I'm officially, officially done with school. However I'm cheap therefore I'm thinking about moving in with someone via craigslist. Crazy right, one I don't know if the parental units will go for it...too bad I'm of age. Anyway I don't want to meet these guys...

Perhaps one of my comrades will want to do the roommate thing...I'm not really trying to stay in this area soo... I dunno.

It's a thought in progress.

2nd Chances Are As Plausible as Sex After Marriage[For You]

I went to this one place I hadn't been since freshman year because this year they got rid of my five cheese melt with bacon. Soo...somehow I'm conned in there by my own will and I order the new inferior three cheese melt, in which I had to pay an extra 2 bucks to add bacon. Total of five American rupees[dollars, but rupees sounds more interesting]. Now I ordered this bullshit sandwich with bacon but ABSOLUTELY NO tomato or lettuce. I emphasized the addition of a vegetable on a grilled cheese sandwich would bring harm the the cashier's career...we had an understanding. I go to pick up my order, and open my sandwich immediately because I had to see which sandwich was mine and which was my friend's I have trust issues with public food service.

No lettuce, lovely, three pieces of un-melted cheese...I can deal due to the toasted buttered bread...FOUR TOMATOES. I remain calm instead of embracing my negro stereotype and calmly walk up to the lady my sandwich...it starts:

Me: Um, I said no tomato.
Lady SW Maker: [Blank stare]
Me: Yeah, so I said no tomato. There's tomatoes, plural, on my sandwich.
Lady: Oh, yeah I see.
Me: I can't eat this, I'm allergic.[Lying like hell, but they generally care more]
Lady: Oh...I'm so sorry[takes back sandwich]

wait for it....

She takes my sandwich, takes the tomatoes off, wraps my sandwich back up, and hands it to me with a smile like this is totally fine.

.... o_O
...obviously I'm being punk'd

Lady:[waiting for me to take sandwich]
Me: [Waiting for her to realize April Fools' Day only counts on the 1st.]
Lady: Here you go
Me: [wishing I really were allergic so I could eat it and sue the university] No I don't
Lady:[gives sad, confused old lady face]
Me: Fine, I'll just go eat this and die now. It better be good since it's closing my throat.
Lady:[enter tear sequence]
Me: No it's fine...you cry, you'll be over this. I'm just going to die of tomato essence. Thanks for the sweet obituary.

She seriously thought taking off wet tomatoes made it all better. I left the sandwich on the table, went to the Chinese restaurant down next door, ordered spicy teriyaki chicken, came back in their restaurant, and proceeded to eat it while staring at their SW in disgust.

Entire cooking staff: Stare at me in disbelief
My friends: Weak
Me: Left one more time to get sweet tea from the convenience store beside the Chinese rest.
My friends: Weak again
SW: Given to my friend who said it was quite delicious after refrigerated...

Cold grilled cheese?

"Alas I Am A Woman Hopeless, Friendless."- Shakespeare

Well a great question was asked from NC over at this young man's blog he asked, "...why is it when you stop talking with/stop dating/stop fucking with a chick, she does something with the next dude in like a week, that you'd been asking her since you've known her?"

Of course I commented since I enjoy sharing the secrets of life to a man when he asks the right question...this was my response, and since I have posted in a few days, it will suffice as my post.

Women are unintentional, stubborn hypocrites and extremely bi-polar. Don't let a female tell you that's not true about her, because that's just the denial from the unintentional hypocrisy. Allow me to break it down: Unintentional hypocrisy, she may say she won't or act like she doesn't want to...then when she ends up doing it damn it her curiosity got the best of her... or feared if she didn't give it up it was going to be taken, but most don't admit to that. Either way she really didn't want to, which is why she may not with the first guy, but once again curiosity killed the cat[pun intended] and we must remember satisfaction brought him back [so she didn't "mean" to be a hypocrite.

She's stubborn because she will more than likely not have a logical/reasonable answer as to why she gave guy #1 crap about it but literally jumped onto guy #2, but in her eyes she's right in her decision[she's wrong as hell].

Bi-polarity in a female, self explanatory.

Have a lovely day.

D

So I had an interesting dream. Lion free this time. There was a Greek flash, but nothing significant..but picture a bright, sunny, cliche day for a picnic. A friend and I are at one of my friend from home's houses...the main family house actually...Picture a large four-story brick home on an 126acre estate...poppy flowers and whatnot...Yeah...so he was having a Sunday brunch gathering...

**sidenote, for some reason we are all four years older than what we are now.

Anywho, in order to get to the back area, there's a button you press behind a picture, above the fireplace and then giant stained glass windows open...not a door[since you don't know where he lives it's totally fine I give this information away]...we're all sundressed/kentucky derby hatted up enjoying the meal and music when

ALL OF A SUDDEN

Denzel Washington approaches me. *side eye* Yeah, weird right? Well, I met him when I was really little so I was talking to him like it was nothing. He didn't remember me at first, but we caught up on life...he asked me a lot about mine and well...it was good conversation. However, the way he kept staring into my eyes...it was exactly how someone I know did and absolutely irresistible.

Damn It!

Anywho, we're pretty much engulfed in each other's attention and before you know it, we're getting a tad too close. It was so romantic, it actually flashed sequence like a movie. Anywho, we come back outside to the brunch and are immediately met with a flock of haterade consumers side eyes...If you didn't know, he is married with four kids...

but in another dream I actually Angelina Jolie'd that nonsense and he left her, married me...and I bore him quadruplets. I might actually share that in greater detail if I can't think of something to blog about if I can remember it.

Yeah, well... immediately cower and look at him with my sad "you know this is wrong" look and he returns the look with a "You don't care what others think...you never have, what's wrong" heartbroken stare...I felt like an asshole on both sides of the fence. It's a weekend event so I lay low the rest of the day...occasionally sharing a look of regret with D...haha I call him D.

The next day...Well my friends [host party and other friend] and I are back in the parlor hanging out, joking and talking about it and they both agree with him...since when did I care about moral? Clearly we were meant to be together and I needed to find him and stop being foolish. We have to go back outside including button pressing and I rush out there...the crowd is larger than yesterday and I'm searching...but he's gone...

it was depressing...

my alarm vibrated and I was so pissed I couldn't find him...so I wrote this.

I do believe Denzel was a metaphor for someone else....

damn you REM cycle.

My Life's Theme...

I will now attempt because I'm not paying attention in this class I'm in to make these potential life themes.

Professional Student: This is my last resort, and I would honestly never do it to myself but hell it needs to be a possibility. I do not want to be in college forever, that's just ridiculous.

Soccer mom: I pray to Bob that my kids won't want to play soccer. As much as I avoided attending games in high school, I'd like to not have to go and actually be interested... that's cruel and unusual. So we can change "Soccer" mom to "basketball" mom or some other indoor masculine if they're male contact sport... would I be stay at home or work my hindpart off...hehe, hindpart

Stay at Home mom: This one, I'm not anxious about....but totally prepared. I'm convinced I'm the 3rd best home-cooking chef in the world[next to my dad and his mom]...many people who've eaten my food agree. As far as cleaning, when I have to the room is immaculate...if I don't have to, I'll hire someone. I've always been somewhat of an oxymoron a traveling homebody...so I don't know if I'd necessarily be at home all of the time...I think I've watched Stepford Wives enough to grasp the concept of Home Executive Engineer...Antonio Banderas once said, "She needs to be honest, loyal, and young enough to bare children." So, Conceive, Cook, Sex, Hire Cleaning, Sex, Watch kids, Sex...hmm, is that one really that bad...We got this ladies


Working Wife & Mother, College Professor Edition: this is my actual aspiration, but I don't know if I want to profess at a community college or a 4 year university, if the latter, I'd probably only do entry level. I signed a contract with myself that I'd not acquire a degree above a Masters. I don't need Dr. infront of my name...and I know I'd be too lazy to write a dissertation. Even with my job, I'd manage my family...I feel like moms are family managers, I don't mean in a sense of property, just in a mean of keeping everything sane and organized for the family. Since manage sounds weird, I will say I would still devote a large amount of time to my family. And yay for nastytime with whoever my husband will be. And well, if something happens and I don't get my Masters...I'll teach high school or something...or find some career completely unrelated to my major...perhaps I'll work in a museum forever...

Military Wife: If for some reason I end up marrying some guy in the military, we will have to move around a lot I believe...and with my career choice it won't be that hard to find a job in our new city. I suppose I'm ready for that type of lifestyle...like most military mothers I'd try to make my kids's childhood as normal as possible. I have many cousins who are military brats and a few people I know...and well let's just say their concept of friendship is...different. They all also have some sort of attention seeking issue...I dunno... In the event my husband was deployed...well thats one aspect I can tell you I have no idea how I'd handle it. At this point I know I'd say something like, "Don't die, don't get so lonely you start giving or taking it in the ass nor sleeping with some random that didn't bare your children...Try not to get amputated our children are assholes like us and will probably make fun of you. I love you so much."

That's all I've got for now...but my current theme is College Student Stalling to Enter The Real World By Adding on A Minor> hey hey hey, I'm graduating a year early...sue me. I'm doing that whole self discovery thing, breaking the rules, ...well I've kind of always been a wild child...living life on the edge and whatnot ...oh yeah

P.S. I just noticed if you click the arrow on this blog that says "Sidebar" a bunch of other stuff I have shows up... if you didn't try it already...
Kudos for me for having no spelling errors in this entire entry.

I Heard This Today

I couldn't agree more. Ed Lover was talking about Nick Cannon's "rap" battle with Eminem on an old youtube video and this is what he said,

"You're my man, but I'm not gonna sit em up and lie to you. You can't f*ck with Eminem. You can't f*ck with him. I don't give a f*ck if Jay-Z, OJ the Juice Man, Gucci Mane, Young Jeezy, and TI write your lyrics... You can't f*ck with Eminem."

My New Favorite Commercial

Now, for the longest time my favorite commercials were the following three super bowl commercials:

Guy makes dinner for girlfriend, knocks out cat, spills tomato sauce on cat, girlfriend walks in sees guy with knife and supposed dead cat. GREAT

Dad controls Justin Timberlake's body with...what was it, Pepsi? It was something ridiculous... Something about seeing JT brutally tortured and scream like a little girl when he gets the nutcracker treatment on the mailbox makes my day a lot better.

22 Horses and a few Zebras are running around in a field; two southern guys are watching and one says, "That referee is an ass." The other guy says, "Actually, I think it's a Zebra."

Yeah... that's my sense of humor in a nutshell. ::Kanye Shrug::

Well I found this nifty new favorite that trumps all the old ones over at Yamara Taylor's blog impatientchick.com and allow me to say this is my new favorite...



This is what all commercials should be like...Simple is funny. "Look down, back up; where are you?" I thought it was beyond hilarious from the scene rising and new clothes falling on him. Hilarious. "The TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS!" I'm going to somehow utilize that in most of my every day life... perhaps, "french fries are NOW DIAMONDS." Or just say, "The TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS," and have everyone look at me clueless.

That's the story of my life in a nutshell...

Well...

I suppose I shall attempt to be more consistent with this one. The old one had too much baggage... time to start fresh.